It's all out...

Okay, I'm coming out of the closet - or something like that.  I don't know why this is so hard for me to talk about but it is.  I think maybe because I admit that I can't do something I should be able to do on my own.  Eat less and move more - the classic weight loss equation.

However I found myself sitting in a Weight Watchers meeting at 7:30 am on a Saturday feeling totally emotional.  The last time I felt that same feeling of emotions was after my first meeting with Jim Shelton, my therapist.  He had told me that weak things could become strong and that I could eventually learn to cure my anxiety.  I wanted to believe - I really did - but just couldn't wrap my mind around the possibility.  It was more than I could hope for.  And the things I learned were amazing and enriching and opened an entire new world for me.  And I am not perfect but I am working on it all the time and getting better.  I'm so much better than I was a year ago.

So, back to the meeting.  I was actually inspired by a comment someone left on a previous blog post about WW.  The thought had kept coming back to me again and again.  I have struggled with weight since I was 12.  I hear people talk about those years that they could eat anything and not gain - I never had those years.  I always had to be careful and worry about what I looked like.  I come from a family that is very aware of  looks and weight and what food who is eating and should or should not be eating.

Then Ryan found out that American Express will reimburse us for half the cost of the program.  That was the final kick in the pants for me.  But it is so hard for me to admit I can't do it on my own and that I need help because I wish I was tougher.

The first few days of counting points and tracking food choices has been STRESSFUL!  I worry about going over by the end of the day as soon as I wake up(because it's way easy to do), and running out of points by the end of the week.  I spend time looking up foods and meals and points - trying to remember to add everything and keep track!  Ug!  I suppose it gets easier as I go.

I feel like I've been fighting my body since I was young.  I am afraid that I will fail at this like I have when I've tried on my own.  I fear that getting to a healthier weight is something that just can't be accomplished for me and that even if I try my hardest it won't work.  All the years of struggling and failure seem to be against me.  Believing that I can do this is really hard and really scary.

So, back to the Saturday morning meeting.  They celebrated the people who had reached certain goals there.  There were women who had reached 5, 10, 25, 50, 75, and 100 pounds of weight loss that morning at the weigh in.  The woman who had lost a total of 100.2 pounds got a standing ovation.  She was holding back tears as we stood and applauded her.  She looked great.  I was really inspired that maybe this would work for me too.

There were three women that I knew that I would have never guessed ever had trouble loosing weight.  I guess you just can't tell what people struggle with from the outside, can you?  Another lesson learned!!!

So, I begin this long journey.  I know it will take time and dedication.  I know there will be ups and downs.  I know this is right for me right now.  I just need to believe...