Okay Moms of this generation. Why do our kids say mean things to us? Why do they talk sassy and with attitude? It was a bad morning for Rachael and Jacob. I end up taking them to school feeling terrible and I am thinking about when I was younger. I didn't say as many mean things to my parents and I am analyzing why. I thought mean things. But what was it that kept most of the thoughts from coming out my mouth? (I wasn't perfect I'm sure!)
It was because I wanted to please them. My whole youth I may have disagreed with things my Mom said or did - and sometimes my Dad, but I wanted them to be proud of me and to please them and be a great kid so much that I didn't say stuff. And it really wasn't as much that I would be punished. I was a pleaser - which can be good and bad. But why does that not matter to ALL kids? I know Brandon is like me. I was an oldest child. Maybe it is an oldest child syndrome. I just wish the rest were more like that. The next closest would be Kristin. Cameron and Matthew are too young to tell.
I hate taking the kids to school and feeling like a failure. UGH!!! Parenting is so hard sometimes! I am going to go walk off my angry, frustrated, disappointed, and hurt feelings. I'll feel better later.
Give me your opinions - I know I am not the only one who struggles with this challenge with my kids! (At least I hope not. I will find out soon enough though if no one else says anything. ) Hope everyone else is having a great day!
4 comments:
Unfortunately I don't have any advice, but I'm here to say AMEN to your post. Trouble says the sassiest things to me and Double is just so disrespectful in how he demands everything of me as if I were a lowly maid. The thing that gets me is that neither S nor I have EVER tolerated it. So it's not as if I do everything for them so they've grown used to treating me like trash. They get punished or at least corrected every single time.
With Trouble, I have sat down with him and had heart to hearts where I have told him exactly how it makes me feel when he says _______ to me. That helps a lot with him. It's as if he had no idea how hurtful his words can be. Double doesn't realize either, but talks with him only help for a short time, he needs to be constantly reminded how his words are affecting me (and others).
I remember hiding in the next room listening to my mom talking to my older brother when he was about 15. She flat out told him that he was rude and bratty. She told him openly how his actions and words affected our family, but more importantly (to him) how he was seen by his friends and how that would eventually lead him to be without friends. He claims that was a turning point in his life--to be shown exactly how his rude and disrespectful attitude would affect his life.
And if all else fails...cry! My kids always respond with days of treating my like a queen after I've broken down in front of them :)
I look forward to other comments...
Thanks Melinda!
So, my Mom said something interesting to me a few minutes ago... She said things that kids say and do are SUPPOSED to hurt our feelings so that we can teach them not to do it anymore.
Isn't it frustrating that you have to teach a kid what hurts feelings and what is acceptable behavior? It seems to me that most of that should come naturally. I looked at Jacob with tears in my eyes this morning and told him I have feelings and that he hurt my feelings by telling me he wished he didn't have a Mom. He got tears in his eyes and gave me a hug but then when I said he would loose his privileges (nintendo, computer, TV, etc) today for being mean, he started crying and ran into the school. I am probably going to have to 'remind' him again and again too. Maybe next time it will be better...
You know, Josh used to tell me he hated me all the time, that was always so hard to hear. I'm not sure why he stopped though. Now he just hates situations and says he's having the worst day ever. The interesting thing with him is that he is also the one to be the most thoughtful and say the sweetest things, like how beautiful I am or something like that. I think its just the way kids communicate differently, they need to learn how to appropriately voice their frustrations. I'm stuggling with Heather right now on this. She doesn't say mean things often but she has a lot of attutide, the kind I didn't think I would see until she was a teenager. She totally thinks she's in charge- telling me I'm going to be grounded if I don't get her a treat. That stinker!
Hear is what I think....
I think when kids tell you that they hate you or use mean words. That something is really bugging them and they don't know how to talk about it.
One day I had one of my ANGLES :) start yelling at me and they told me that they HATED me. OUCH!! After I cooled off. I sat down with this child and asked WHY, they had said that. I was surpised that after a few minutes the really story came out. This child was feeling left out at school and was feeling really bad about themself. As we talked I told them that no matter what I love them. I asked them to next time tell me that they had a bad and would like to talk about it. I have never heard those HATEFUL words again.:)
I think like each one of us. Kids just have bad days. I know that I do. I have tried really hard not to take my bad day out on my kids. I am SAD to say that I do how ever take it out on Steve. But I am working on it. :)
GOOD luck!!
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