Saturday is a special day.

I hate Saturdays. I have grown from a slight dislike, to a mild fear, to strong detesting for Saturdays over the years. Saturday is Ryan's main piano moving day, so he is usually gone all day. In addition, it is a clean the house day which, regardless of whether Ryan is home or not, makes the day hard. But with more kids (especially Matthew) and responsibilities of my own and the kids getting older, I have to expect more from each child.

If we were Catholic and had to confess for the things we did wrong, a priest would have to live at our house on Saturdays. Kids dislike cleaning and try to cut corners whenever possible - which now means lying and hoping not to get caught. It is easier for them to get away with stuff now that Matthew is here because I just can't check EVERYTHING they do. I have to trust them more and just go by what they say if I can't check the chore at the moment. I can find out later what really hasn't been done within a day or two just by doing my normal stuff - but by then its too late to do anything about it.

So here is how this Saturday went. We took the kids to the drive in last night so they got to bed late and of course can't sleep in - since they might miss some monumental event in the cartoon world. So we started out grumpy and tired. This morning, Ryan's first move was at 9:00 in Draper so he had to leave around 8:00, and Brandon had a soccer game at 9:00 so we were trying to get ready early anyway. I took Matthew, Brandon, and Cameron to the soccer game, got home in time to take Brandon to an eye Dr. appointment, then came home to put some toaster pastries in the toaster (sale at Albertsons this last week - the only time we get them. :) ), feed Matthew, and get ready to go to the Aviary. The kids were 'resting' trying to get some energy to do their chores while I was gone, so no chores got done yet. But Ryan got to go to the Aviary for free today for an American Express promotion thing, and so we worked in meeting him in between his last two moves there. When we left, the house was still a mess, chores still left undone, the effects of a way-less-than healthy lunch catching up on us, and everyone still tired.

It was fun, but there was this wedding going on in a section of the Aviary. There was this couple, dressed up, everyone cheering for them, shaking ribbons, ringing bells, and I stood there feeling... I don't know - jealous I guess. This poem from the Ensign a few years back came into my mind. I looked it up on LDS. org

Martha P. Taysom, “The Wedding Reception,”
Ensign, Apr 2005, 25

I sit and watch her.
My pastel punch and thick-iced cake
(On delicate plate)
Balance awkwardly on my knee.

I think of me 12 years before.

Her smile beams
First on this reception guest,
Then that.
Sometimes blushing,
Sometimes laughing,
Always turning
Eyes of admiration to the handsome groom.

Should I tell her?
Tell her of face-down peanut-buttered bread
On new-mopped floor?
Of a two-year-old stretched out
and kicking angrily
In the grocery store
(And everybody watching)?

Can I tell her?
Tell her of the almost-can’t-cope days?
The lonely evenings
Waiting for bishopric meeting
To end?

Will I tell her?
Tell her of the terrifying cry
Of croup
Deep in night?
Or the quickened step
Of the home teacher
Summoned to help administer
To a feverish brow?

No.
But neither can I share with her
The thrill of a newborn’s nose
Bobbing in my neck;
The pride of seeing a six-year-old
Begin to read.

I cannot tell her
Of a husband’s gentle touch
On my hand
As we pass briefly
In the chapel foyer.

So,
Standing, I brush away the crumbs
From my not-so-new dress,
Smile,
And wave a little
To the bride
Across the room.

It sometimes feels like the joys of parenting are so few and far between. Today I wasn't seeing any of these joys, just the tough things (I actually pulled over on the ramp to I-80 westbound and told one of my kids to get out after they beat on their little brother. This was the 2nd time I had stopped after leaving the Aviary and the 3rd kid I had threatened to have to find their own way home.)

I am finding the joys of parenting are much easier overlooked. For some reason, the negative things overshadow the joys so often. The funny things kids say, their ability to forgive, the love they show for each other, and the way they strive to do what is right. The little good things are there - they just have to be found. I am going to have to try much harder to find them.

I need to find a way to make Saturdays better. The work load will still be there, the kids will still fight working, and I will spend most Saturdays as the only parent. Much of making them better will be to just stop trying to get my own agenda done. I will have to do my cleaning and mowing/yard work on another day so I can be around as much as possible to help my kids do their work. It will take me being a little less selfish to make this day better. And someday when Ryan won't have to work every Saturday to make our ends meet, I will just appreciate his help and presence even more! (And we need to go on an occasional date so I can get out. But that's another blog...)