Did my jean skirt shrink?

I had to throw on a skirt quickly today so that I could run and get my temple recommend interview. Apparently I had washed it because suddenly I was having to try to suck in to get the skirt zipped up.

Well, you could call it sucking in- sort of.

Just close your eyes and imagine - no wait - don't close your eyes and imagine. It will be too terrifying. Okay, lets start over again. Just think what my belly muscles must look like after having 6 kids and not really working them out since the birth of #4 or #5 (It's been too long to remember when I gave up).

I know I really should do sit ups or something, but whenever I have decided to lay on the floor to do it, I am reminded of the gross carpet I haven't vacuumed, the dust under the bed, the dirty socks on the floor next to the hamper, and the treasure of things that suddenly pop into view from down there. That pretty much kills any ambition I may have had for a moment. I quickly jump up screaming and vow never to lay down on the floor again.

It is funny because I am noticing that as my belly has grown, my waist gets higher and higher. Do you ever see little grandmas that have their pants pulled up to right below their bust? I can totally understand why now. My belly and buttocks grow upwards. Yes it not only happens in the front, but the back too.

You can tell your bottom is growing up when you still have to worry about your crack showing when you bend over or sit to fold clothes although your pants are pulled up to heaven. I think my crack has doubled in length in the past couple years.

I have heard some people say that their hind end droops as they get older. All that I can say is that if all that flesh starts going north and south, I am in trouble. I will need to invent some kind of bra for my bottom. (I'll call it a butt-zier instead of a brazier). It will have one portion for each cheek to hold them in place. I will make sure they aren't too pointy. That would be uncomfortable and dangerous. The buttzier will actually look like two small swings. You could probably carry an infant in each one.

Anyway, back to my original story. I was pulling on my jean skirt when I realized that I must have either put on about 15 pounds since last Sunday, or dried my skirt a little too long. I didn't have time to change though, and once my skirt was zipped up, it wasn't coming off very easily. I figured I may even have to peel it off or have Ryan pull on it while I hang on to the headboard of my bed. (Picture me holding on with all my might, Ryan pulling on my skirt, I am hanging in mid-air and we are both struggling. Then imagine the skirt flying off and Ryan flying through the closet wall and into the bathroom holding the skirt victoriously. he he he)

So, I put on a coat and hoped the church was cool enough I could have an excuse to leave the coat on so as to not embarrass myself or frighten the bishop.

I am back now and never fear... all is well. I am now sitting wearing my skirt, which is quite a feat. The blood stopped racing to my face is now able to circulate back to my feet. I hope nothing gets on the skirt for awhile. I like not washing it and disillusioning myself that it is getting looser because I am walking everyday and not because the fibers are being stretched out. Ignorance is truly bliss!